This Christmas has been surprisingly pleasant. It mostly involved eating, walks with mom and Luke (the dog), watching movies, and visits with some very cute and rowdy nephews. Last Christmas I was in the field, around a muddy and wet campfire with young adult boys struggling with addiction and depression. I was grateful to have such an atypical Christmas for the first one without my Dad. This year, I knew I wanted to be at home with my family, even though I was expecting it to be pretty cheerless.
Surprisingly, it wasn’t. I live across the country, and I am rarely around people who knew Dad. In this Christmas season, it is soothing to be around others who loved him and miss him too. Dad’s presence was joyful, generous, and silly; you can’t take something like that away without a deficit. Thankfully his spirit was so full of these qualities, and he left some of the joy, generosity, and silliness with us here when he left our current world.
This year has been good to me. Looking back on my first blog posts and hopes for 2011, I’d say it has been what I had hoped it would be. I have adventured, spent time in the wilderness, stayed away from media, and my soul feels revived.
I climbed in Yosemite, Moab, Red Rocks, Colorado, Flagstaff, San Diego, Joshua Tree, Zion, North Carolina, West Virginia, Alabama, and all over Utah. I have read a number of great books (namely Jayber Crow by Wendell Berry, The Monkey Wrench Gang by Edward Abbey, and The Life of Pi by Yann Martel). I have had lots of time with family and friends. I went home four times this year, usually for two weeks at a time, and had several visits by my family here out West. I ended up with something of a dream job, and I can live anywhere doing it.
Now I am living in a really beautiful place with lots of life. Walking out my door I can be in the mountains or downtown in 10 minutes. I can walk or bike to the Flatirons, and Eldorado Canyon is a 10 minute drive.
A lot has happened this last year. Even still, no matter how fast I seem to go or or how much I do, I so often am overwhelmed by the feeling of time moving along far too quickly. Is it really almost 2012? Am I really 29, going on 30??I find myself feeling behind in life and wondering “where is the damn pause button!!” It’s absolutely frightening.
What's clear to me is the importance of being present in my "now". I don't want to miss out on the time and things that I do have because of longing for what isn't or hoping for a pause button.
Dad was always full of great quotes and quips. When I went home for Thanksgiving last week, I found a t-shirt with one of them on it.
The football team at Citronelle High School, where Dad coached for 19 years, made a t-shirt with his saying: “It’s a great day to be a wildcat.” For dad, it was always a great day to be wherever or whatever he was. His optimism was infectious.
One of my favorites of his quotes was: “Katie, it’s good for ya!” He said this when offering Snickers, peanut M&Ms, and Hershey bars. He said it with even more enthusiasm if I refused the treat. Now, I can’t look at a pack of peanut M&Ms and not hear “Katie, it’s good for ya!” I believe he was correct.
